Since my last blog entry a lot of things have changed. After visiting and loving a property in The Sticks in Nowhere, Virginia, the owner heard the word "wedding" and upped her rental fee by over a thousand dollars, adding in clauses for port-a-potty rentals and various asunders. So you know what? Charlie and I decided enough was enough! That's thousands of dollars we'd rather spend traversing and eating our way through Europe this summer, thank you very much! We're re-imagining this whole wedding concept and getting on with our lives.
Bold words aside, we have really decided to focus on how we want to celebrate our commitment to each other, in a way that feels honest and real to us. Somehow I doubt that we'll be writing love poems for public recitation or having anyone sing a song about our feelings. I also doubt that you will see me in a ball gown. Ever. ;)
Why are we even having a wedding? is the first question that pops into my mind. What I dislike about many weddings is that they can end up being kind of impersonal and rigid, as well as being terribly expensive. (According to my homie Martha Stewart, the average "budget wedding" costs $12,000!!! That's TWELVE. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.)
The number one reason to have a wedding rather than eloping somewhere fun and foreign (topping even "I'm a total detail obsessive who needs to minutely organize and obsess over all possible opportunities to throw a good party") is that our families are scattered all over the globe and this may be the One and Only opportunity for them to meet one-another. Really. Just having a "surprise we're married!" party ain't gonna cut it: People need ceremony and circumstance to fully commit to long-distance travel. We want our core group of people to be able to get to know one-another in an intimate and comfortable situation. We both love many many people but that party is for another day.
And we're not spending twelve thousand bucks. nope.
There are a lot of expectations that come with the modern concept of a marriage. We're supposed to register for a bunch of stuff. We're supposed to invite everyone we've ever met, and then everyone our parents have ever met. I've watched hundreds of episodes of My Fair Wedding, Whose Wedding is it Anyways?, Martha Stewart Green Weddings, My Big Friggin Wedding, Rich Bride Poor Bride, Platinum Wedding, Bridezillas... and every one of those weddings followed a pretty standard structure, there was cake and the tossing of bouquets to the "unfortunate single women," and so on.
What does the term wedding mean to us as a couple? Welllll.... It might be easier to talk about what it doesn't mean to us. We're not getting a band or a dj, having a cake cutting or garter/bouquet toss, and when I say SMALL, I mean absolutely that. Because we're having it at our house now. We don't want to offend or leave anyone out, but we just can't possibly fit more than a small, set number of people into our back yard (or inside, if it rains).
And in order for an intimate and personal back yard affair to meet my detail obsessive needs, it's going to have to be whittled down enough to obsess over and execute in the amount of time left after graduate school and its various outlets this spring (and I'm directing a show too! Augh!).
Charlie and I will be getting hitched in Richmond somewhere outside sometime in the later afternoon at an exact location that will be revealed at a later date. We will then commence to our back yard, which will be tented in the event of rain, for eating, drinking, and merriment. Bringing umbrellas and rain boots just in case will be encouraged. We won't let the weather WET our appetites, heh heh.
Additionally, we cannot possibly invite everyone we like or love, for reasons stated earlier. Please help us out by being understanding (we'll post photos!). It breaks our hearts not to include the many who have touched our lives over the years... But we'll be happy to attend a slew of parties/bar outings/picnics if people want to celebrate.
So on with the planning, now that's all cleared up! :)